Friday, June 20, 2014


As a rule, AirLine Pilots love war movies and the American Heroes Channel (formerly known as the Military Channel).  Whether former Military, or a life long civilian, they all spend hours upon hours watching documentaries about Hitler's Henchmen or WWII movies.... over and over and OVER again.  It doesn't matter how many times you walk into the room and scream "Spoiler Alert: Allies win!  Nazis are bad!"  Still they watch.

So imagine my surprise when I walked in the house after cutting down a dozen trees, mowing an acre of grass, and weeding several planting beds, to find PilotHusband watching "The Bridges of Madison County".  Had he suddenly gone soft?  Had he found a new appreciation for chick flicks?  No.  He thought it was a World War II movie!  Like "A Bridge Too Far", "Bridge at Remagen", and "Bridge Over the River Kwai".... it had the word bridge in the title.  It starred Clint Eastwood (like "Where Eagles Dare").  It starred Meryl Streep (like "Sophie's Choice").  The poor guy kept waiting for Tiger tanks and Nazis to begin their assault.  By the time he realized it was a romance, it was too late.  He was already an hour into the film and had left the remote in the kitchen on his last beer run.

This gave me a great idea.  Hey Hollywood!  (and by Hollywood, I mean the film industry, not the former Top Gun Instructor, Mother D Pilot).  If you want to increase ticket sales to your next Romantic Comedy, try putting words like invasion, Normandy, Panzer, Blitzkrieg, assault, paratrooper, commando, and especially bridge, in the title.  Just a thought.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014


My PilotHusband suffers from "First Officer Syndrome".  Along with a host of other symptoms, this malady causes PilotHusband to agree with whatever opinion his most recent Captain has expressed... on any topic.  (Please refer to the 7/2/12 blog for examples).  This condition is exacerbated by AngryPilotCentral (a.k.a. Airline Pilot Central). 

On the APC forums, PilotHusband is subjected to a multitude of opinions from Pilots, many of whom are senior to him.  Recently, on an APC forum, the discussion turned to uniform shoes.  A retired Mother D Pilot lauded the fit, style, and fashion of Allen Edmonds shoes.  Immediately, PilotHusband came running downstairs to tell me about these "awesome" shoes that he "just has to buy".  Really?  Really?  REALLY? 

AngryPilotWife has been to this rodeo before.  Rather than fight it, APW told PilotHusband to go online and order the damn shoes.... for $647.00.  After a week or so, the shoes arrived.  With the glee of a little girl unwrapping the glass slippers her Fairy Godmother got her, PilotHusband opened the box and tried on his new Allen Edmonds $647 Pilot shoes.  Ooooh.  They were the blackest of black.  They were shiny beyond shiny... the much sought after sheen of "parade gloss".  They were fashionable, yet classic.  They were comfortable.  AND THEY WERE 647 FUCKING DOLLARS!!!!!!

Like a child crashing after opening gifts on Christmas morning, PilotHusband eventually grew tired of marching around the house in his new shoes.  He took them off, poured himself one last scotch and went to bed, having not yet recovered from his red-eye home from South America.

At this point, AngryPilotWife took the $647 shoes, put them back in the box, taped it up, and drove to the effing post office to ship them back.  $647 for shoes that he leaves in the middle of the floor for the pit bull puppy to chew on?  $647 for shoes that he would wear walking into an airport, walking around a plane, and walking out of an airport.  I don't think so.

You know I have much love and respect for the wise and awesome retirees and super senior Captains on Airline Pilot Central.  If "Badflaps" would extol the virtues of shopping at Walmart, he would be on my Christmas cookie gift list forever.  Can you help a girl out????