Friday, June 15, 2012


Okay, Ladies!  Its your turn.  We had the "Are You a Pilot or a Real Pilot" quiz on this blog.  Now its time to figure out if you are just a PilotWife, or an AngryPilotWife.  Please review the following multiple choice questions.  Give yourself one point for every "A", two points for every "B", and three points for every "C".  Tally your scores at the end to see whether you earn the title of AngryPilotWife.

1.   When your PilotHusband has to leave for a trip, you....
A. Get teary-eyed, because you will miss him so much.
B. Try to figure out child care arrangements, given his absence.
C. Do a happy dance, high-five the child, and vow to "party like a rock star" while he's gone.

2.   When PilotHusband is packing his bag, you...
A. Pack his suitcase with clean white undershirts, matching socks, overnight clothes, toiletries, vitamins, and healthful snacks.
B. Hang back, knowing you've done the laundry and he can pack his own bag.
C. Pack his bag, as he demands, with mismatched black socks, undershirts that you found on the bathroom floor and sprayed with Fabreeze, and your Five-Year-Old's Transformers underpants.

3.  If PilotHusband has to fill out a Displacement Bid, or an Advanced Entitlement Bid, you...
A.  Provide him with index cards, to organize his thoughts, make him a latte, and give him peace and quiet to focus.
B.  Go shopping with the girls to stay away from the inevitable drama.
C.  Fill out the bids for him (because he's never bid a monthly schedule, vacation bid, AE, or displacement bid by himself).  But you are sure to place a bid for him that insures maximum time away from home, giving you the peace and quiet you deserve.

4.   Regarding PilotBuddies, if they call when PilotHusband is on a trip, do you....
A.  Politely take a message, and inform them when PilotHusband will return.
B.  Chat with them briefly, as you are acquainted with them.
C.  Talk to them for an hour about their sex life, financial issues, and all other psychotherapy topics, because you talk to them more than PilotHusband does.

5.   When it comes to your diet, you..
A.  Eat healthy well balanced meals and drink, only socially.
B.  Eat well balanced meals when PilotHusband is home, and enjoy take out dinners or chicken nuggets with your kids when he is gone.
C.  Consider a glass of wine as a full serving of fruit and a bloody mary as a serving of vegetables.

6.  When a decision must be made regarding your home's maintenance, repair, decor, or landscaping, you...
A.  Abide by your PilotHusband's opinion because he is so knowledgeable about such things.
B.  Ask for his input, and make the decision together.
C.  Do what you want because its not like PilotHusband notices that anything needs to be maintained, repaired, decorated, or landscaped.

7.  You thoroughly clean the house...
A. Each time PilotHusband leaves on a trip so that he has the pleasure of returning to a clean, well organized environment.
B.  As often as you are able, given your hectic schedule.
C. When the dust bunnies blowing across your floor become bigger than the dog... which is 110 pounds.

8. Regarding your Mother-in-Law, you...
A. Adore the woman and are truly considered part of the family.
B.  Find her generally tolerable.
C.  Understand where your PilotHusband gets his love of aviation; because that b!tch has been flying around on a broomstick since you met her.

9.  When you activate the "Emergency Phone Tree", you are calling to....
A. Make sure other parents are aware that school will be dismissing early due to inclement weather.
B. To share some really juicy gossip.
C. To have your girls show up with a shovel, a bag of lime, and some quick setting concrete... because you've finally had enough.

10.  You get the majority of your workouts by....
A. Going to the gym and Zumba dance classes.
B. Chasing after the children.
C. Doing all the yard work, house work, laundry, bag packing, meal cooking and burden carrying.

11. The phrase that best describes your sex life is....
A.  When ever he comes home, it's like we're on our Honeymoon all over again.
B.  We try to set aside a special date night so we can spend time together as often as our schedules allow.
C.  It's like getting your teeth cleaned... we do it twice a year.

Give yourself one point for every A, two points for every B, and three points for every C.
If you scored:

11-20 points, The StepfordPilotWife.  You are the most obnoxiously happily married Wife at the cocktail party.  Oh wait! You wouldn't be at my cocktail party because you are too busy taking ballroom dance classes with your Husband, or holding hands as you walk on the beach with your Husband, or you're too busy taking one of those "How to Make Your Own Sushi" classes with your Husband.  Bletch!  You should come with a warning label so that Diabetics don't get too close to you.  Chances are, you are not even human, but some sort of android created through a joint venture by the Disney Company and Lockheed Martin.

18-26 points,  TheOutwardlyKindWife.  You love your Husband and family and are generally kind and content... but given enough Chardonnay the claws will come out!  You go girl!

27-33 points,  TheAngryPilotWife.  You have achieved the ultimate snarky Wife status.  Good for you!  You do not wear rose colored glasses, you have lowered your expectations, and you are a powerful, independent woman!  You are the hit, nay, the entertainment, at every party you attend.  And your PilotHusband cannot live without you!


  1. With regard to #4-Option D: Pilot buddies know Pilot husband's schedule better than APW and don't bother calling the house because they know he's not there (unlike APW who has no clue when he'll be home and only remotely remembers when he left.