Yes, friends, it's true. The Hostess snack cake company is closing its doors and going out of business! The makers of Twinkies, Ding Dongs, and Hostess Cupcakes shall be no more. Like Yoda, last week when the announcement was made, I felt a violent ripple in The Force. It was the sound of a million Stoners crying out at once (but then they laid back down to watch more SpongeBob on the Cartoon Network and forgot what they were upset about).
Why? Oh Why? How can this be? Hell, if we bailed out the American Automotive Industry and Wall Street Bankers, WHY CAN'T WE SAVE THE TWINKIE?! And no, I am NOT over-reacting! We're talking about Ding Dongs and Twinkies here people! THIS IS SERIOUS! As my groovy artist friend Laura pointed out, if Twinkies and cockroaches are the only things that will survive a nuclear Holocaust.... now we're left with just cockroaches. IT'S SO WRONG!!!
Who doesn't love Twinkies? It's not just a snack cake... nay, it is a part of American Iconography! It represents all that is good and right with America. Who else could invent a yummy delicious treat that never gets stale? This is representative of the same technology that landed us on the Moon. TWINKIES ARE IMPORTANT! We are talking about the same food that kept Woody Harrelson's "Tallahassee" going in the Zombie Apocalypse film, Zombieland. It represents hope, continuity, American ingenuity, childhood, and innocence. A life without spongy goodness around a sweet creme filling is hardly a life worth living.
I'm a Methodist who attends a small country church where Sunday attire is manure-free boots, jeans, and a clean t-shirt. But even I know the signs of the Apocalypse.... locusts, frogs, water turning to blood.... and no more effing Twinkies! "And behold a saw a pale horse and his name was.... Death of the Twinkie making Hostess snack cake company!!!!!" Okay, that's not exactly how the King James Bible puts it, but I think you get my point. Oh, the end is nigh!!! Repent, repent, for the end of the world is upon us!
I have to go lay down under the spigot of a large box of wine and eat of box of Ring Dings now. Maybe that will make me feel better.
Why? Oh Why? How can this be? Hell, if we bailed out the American Automotive Industry and Wall Street Bankers, WHY CAN'T WE SAVE THE TWINKIE?! And no, I am NOT over-reacting! We're talking about Ding Dongs and Twinkies here people! THIS IS SERIOUS! As my groovy artist friend Laura pointed out, if Twinkies and cockroaches are the only things that will survive a nuclear Holocaust.... now we're left with just cockroaches. IT'S SO WRONG!!!
Who doesn't love Twinkies? It's not just a snack cake... nay, it is a part of American Iconography! It represents all that is good and right with America. Who else could invent a yummy delicious treat that never gets stale? This is representative of the same technology that landed us on the Moon. TWINKIES ARE IMPORTANT! We are talking about the same food that kept Woody Harrelson's "Tallahassee" going in the Zombie Apocalypse film, Zombieland. It represents hope, continuity, American ingenuity, childhood, and innocence. A life without spongy goodness around a sweet creme filling is hardly a life worth living.
I'm a Methodist who attends a small country church where Sunday attire is manure-free boots, jeans, and a clean t-shirt. But even I know the signs of the Apocalypse.... locusts, frogs, water turning to blood.... and no more effing Twinkies! "And behold a saw a pale horse and his name was.... Death of the Twinkie making Hostess snack cake company!!!!!" Okay, that's not exactly how the King James Bible puts it, but I think you get my point. Oh, the end is nigh!!! Repent, repent, for the end of the world is upon us!
I have to go lay down under the spigot of a large box of wine and eat of box of Ring Dings now. Maybe that will make me feel better.
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