Tuesday, August 28, 2012


(This one goes out to "JustDoin'MyJob" at Airline Pilot Central.  No Sir, PilotHusband has NOT been behaving himself.  Quite the contrary.  So, tonight I am unleashing my AngryPilotWife wrath.  "Herman" may need to couch surf with one of ya'll before the week's out).

So... back to How to Lose Your Debit Card like a Pilot:

Step One:    Tell your Wife to go to grocery store and the liquor store even though she has been clearing brush and mowing your yard all day long (while you've been laying on the couch watching the Military Channel).  Tell her to take your bank card.

Step Two:    Act surprised when your bank card is not in your wallet.

Step Three:   Accuse your Wife of already removing said bank card from your wallet.

Step Four:    Blame your Wife for the missing bank card, because if she had gotten a secondary card to your account (which requires your signature, in person, at the bank, which you haven't done), it wouldn't matter if you lost your card, because she would still have one.

Step Five:    Have your Wife pull up your bank statement to see where your card was used last.

Step Six:      (This one is VERY important)  Decide which charges your are going to own up to and which one's you are going to deny any knowledge of.  Our conversation went something like this;
APW:  There's a charge for the Comfort Inn in Detroit on the 25th.
PH:  Yep, that was when I sat short call.
APW:  Well, what about this $47 charge at Bob's Grill in Sarasota FL?
PH:  Oh, that's when the Captain and I went out to dinner.
APW:  Here's a $62 charge at a liquor store in Bradenton FL.
PH:  Hmmmm... um... well... I don't recall that one.  It seems suspicious.
APW:  What about this $276 charge at some place called The Gentleman's Club?  And this $235 charge at someplace called the Boob Barn?  And $119 at Hooter's?
PH:  ..... Damn, Baby!   Someone must have stolen my card!!!!

Step Seven:  Have your Wife call the bank/credit card company.  Take the phone from your Wife and tell the call center representative what a very important person you are and insist that your card be cancelled immediately.

Step Eight:   Act surprised when your Wife finds your card in the pocket of the shorts you wore on your last trip.

Step Nine:  Get pissed off at your Wife because she didn't find your card before you insisted that the bank cancel it.

Step Ten:  Retreat to the couch and watch the Military Channel.

1 comment:

  1. That was one crazy rollercoaster ride for you. Just another day in the life of APW, I guess. : ) So what happened after you guys found the credit card? Did you re-apply for the same type of card or did you switch to a new one?

    - Jesse Baars