Thursday, January 17, 2013


We live in the Piedmont region of North Carolina, USA.  As such, we rarely get snow... and when we do; you'd think the Zombie Apocalypse was upon us.  We are just not equipped to deal with it.  If the local news reports, even a slight chance of snow flurries, the local residents storm the grocery stores, stripping them of milk, peanut butter, jelly, sliced bread, and beer.  We don't have snow plows, salt trucks, snow tires or chains.  Hell, I don't even own a snow shovel.  If it snows, we resign ourselves to being stuck at home until it melts.

Given that we are currently under a "Winter Storm Advisory", I thought I should review how to prepare for a snow storm like a real pilot.

STEP ONE:  Leave town. 

STEP TWO:  Just kidding!  There is no step two!

At the first suggestion of snow, PilotHusband jumps on a plane to his base to "get into position".  That leaves AngryPilotWife to prepare for Snowmageddon on her on.  So... here's how to prepare for a snow storm, like an AngryPilotWife.

STEP ONE:  Empty no less than three closets, looking for your child's winter weather gear.  After an exhaustive search, yielding only one mitten and one glove (both for the left hand), resign yourself to going to Walmart and buying new mittens, boots, a hat... and a new sled.

STEP TWO:  Steel yourself for combat, and hit the grocery store.  Be sure to get the essentials... a case of wine, a 12 pack of Red Bull, toilet paper, dog food, cat food, chocolate, and snacks.  Forget the beer; PilotHusband has left the building.

STEP THREE:  Even though ice pellets are now falling from the sky, and the winds have exceeded 35 miles per hour, go to the pet store to buy crickets to feed the... (flock? troop? herd? gaggle?) of fire bellied toads that live in a tank in your living room.

STEP FOUR:  Finally come home, only to realize that PilotHusband used every last piece of firewood last week when it was 70 degrees out, and now you have no means of keeping your family warm if the power goes out.  Go back out in the storm, load your truck full of wood, drive it home, and unload it all by yourself.

STEP FIVE:  Listen to PilotHusband bitch, whine, and moan, when he calls home from his hotel room, as he eats room service in his underwear.

As for us, we're going sledding tomorrow!  And perhaps a little snowman building.  Keep warm, stay safe, and "let it snow, let it snow, let it snow". 

1 comment:

  1. Thanks so much for sharing this great information! I have been really interested in investing in a new snow plow in Toronto... Where would be the best place to go for this?