Being married to an Air Line Pilot is unlike committing yourself (and I use that term specifically) to any other subspecies of Man. For you Newlyweds out there; fasten your seat belts. There's turbulence ahead. For you Senior Wives, sit back, pour yourself another glass of wine, and find solace in the fact that you are not alone.
You know you're married to an Air Line Pilot when.....
the mother of your child's classmate invites you to her church's "Divorce Care" meeting, having noticed the absence of a husband at every field trip, recital, award ceremony, field day, and class party. This forces you to politely explain that you are not, in fact, divorced. You're just married to a Pilot.
your six year old can identify tank silhouettes, Hitler's Henchmen, every WWII aircraft, and knows all the words to "The Halls of Montezuma" due to his constant exposure to The Military Channel.
you check the browser history on your computer and the first two sites are always YouPorn and AirLinePilotCentral; in that order.
you tell your PilotHusband about something that needs repair around the house he tells you to "call Maintenance".
within 5 minutes of your PilotHusband returning from a 4 day trip, (to a pristine, polished, and scrubbed home) you find a pile of dirty socks, undershirts, and man panties in the middle of your kitchen floor.
after he returns home from a red-eye flight, you are not at all phased by the sight of a pot-bellied man, clad in his underpants and black socks, sprawled out on the sofa, drinking beer, and watching Band of Brothers, at 9:00 in the morning.
you hear about the unfortunate demise of a fellow Pilot, and your first question is, "Was he senior to you?". (Don't hate the messenger... we've all done it. And if you haven't; you will)
your PilotHusband has more conversations with you on the phone while on overnights, than he does face-to-face when he is at home.
you don't have to worry about stocking up on cranberry juice, Coca-Cola, 7-Up, or Tonic Water, because real Pilots drink their liquor straight.
he never surprises you with what he's wearing because you are the one who purchased his clothes, laundered them, and hung them in his closet. Otherwise, he'd still be wearing the same underpants and cargo shorts with the HUGE holes in the crotch that allowed his "dangly bits" to hang out. There's a reason the UPS delivery guy doesn't ring the doorbell anymore!
So, celebrate your strength and independence, fellow PilotWives! And try to hide your smile when your PilotHusband asks your child, "Who's the Boss of this house?" and he immediately replies, "Mommy is".
You know you're married to an Air Line Pilot when.....
the mother of your child's classmate invites you to her church's "Divorce Care" meeting, having noticed the absence of a husband at every field trip, recital, award ceremony, field day, and class party. This forces you to politely explain that you are not, in fact, divorced. You're just married to a Pilot.
your six year old can identify tank silhouettes, Hitler's Henchmen, every WWII aircraft, and knows all the words to "The Halls of Montezuma" due to his constant exposure to The Military Channel.
you check the browser history on your computer and the first two sites are always YouPorn and AirLinePilotCentral; in that order.
you tell your PilotHusband about something that needs repair around the house he tells you to "call Maintenance".
within 5 minutes of your PilotHusband returning from a 4 day trip, (to a pristine, polished, and scrubbed home) you find a pile of dirty socks, undershirts, and man panties in the middle of your kitchen floor.
after he returns home from a red-eye flight, you are not at all phased by the sight of a pot-bellied man, clad in his underpants and black socks, sprawled out on the sofa, drinking beer, and watching Band of Brothers, at 9:00 in the morning.
you hear about the unfortunate demise of a fellow Pilot, and your first question is, "Was he senior to you?". (Don't hate the messenger... we've all done it. And if you haven't; you will)
your PilotHusband has more conversations with you on the phone while on overnights, than he does face-to-face when he is at home.
you don't have to worry about stocking up on cranberry juice, Coca-Cola, 7-Up, or Tonic Water, because real Pilots drink their liquor straight.
he never surprises you with what he's wearing because you are the one who purchased his clothes, laundered them, and hung them in his closet. Otherwise, he'd still be wearing the same underpants and cargo shorts with the HUGE holes in the crotch that allowed his "dangly bits" to hang out. There's a reason the UPS delivery guy doesn't ring the doorbell anymore!
So, celebrate your strength and independence, fellow PilotWives! And try to hide your smile when your PilotHusband asks your child, "Who's the Boss of this house?" and he immediately replies, "Mommy is".
Laughing, laughing, laughing. So true!
ReplyDeleteHey lovie!
ReplyDeleteIt seems I have the wrong cell number for you. The recipient did not recieve my cantankerous, albeit hilarious, Sunday morning greeting well. Hhmph, her loss. Anyhow, if you still need a Mud Run team member, I'm in!
Holla back girl=)
Casey