Saturday, July 14, 2012


Copernicus, the famed Polish Astronomer who first postulated that the Earth revolves around the Sun, had it all wrong.  Everybody knows that the Air Line Pilot is the true center of the Universe, around which, all things revolve!  Here are just a few examples, provided by my PilotHusband, to prove that everything revolves around the Air Line Pilot.

On the rare occasion, PilotHusband has to get on the 6:00 a.m. flight, he starts to complain about it at 11:00 a.m. the previous day.   When our five year old (who is learning to tell time) asks me what time the clock says, PilotHusband shows our son what time it currently is, and then shows him what time Daddy has to get up in the morning.   If our son asks what time dinner will be ready, PilotHusband shows him dinner time on the clock, and then what time Daddy has to get up in the morning.  When PilotHusband asks me what time I am working until tomorrow, I tell him what time I expect to be home, and then wait patiently for him to explain what time He has to get up in the morning.  It's all about PilotHusband because he is the true center of the Universe.

If PilotHusband has a sore throat, everyone else in the house must vacate the sofa and all claim to the remote control so that PilotHusband can recuperate because nothing soothes a sore throat like laying on the couch watching the Military Channel.  PilotHusband must be waited on as he is far too weak and infirmed to walk to fetch his own orange juice, jello, tissues, cell phone, or blankie.  PilotHusband will also insist you call tv's Dr. House because he is certain that his sore throat is either the start of Hemorrhagic Fever, Polio, or some yet to be named disease.  You cannot leave the house (unless it's to go to the store to get more jello), run the vacuum, talk on the phone, or anything else that may inhibit your ability to care for "Patient Zero" because PilotHusband is the true center of the Universe.

When dinner time comes, PilotHusband always gets a second helping of everything, whether he can finish it or not.  He won't think twice about loading his plate up with seconds, or thirds.  He scrapes the serving bowls dry, then finishes just a fraction of what he put on his plate.  The only problem is that he renders that food unsuitable for anyone else in the house, including the dog, because he covers everything with copious amounts of hot sauce.  It doesn't matter if you would have enjoyed just another small serving of mashed potatoes because the Universe revolves around PilotHusband.

When PilotHusband wants to talk on the phone with one of his PilotBuddies (why would he talk to anyone else?) he will usual make himself comfortable in the same room in which you are trying to watch a movie.  He will hit the mute button, so that your show doesn't disturb him.  It doesn't matter that its a CORDLESS telephone.  Why should he go anywhere else?  We must stop what we are doing to enable PilotHusband to talk to PilotBuddy because the world revolves around PilotHusband.

Clearly I am NOT exaggerating.  MIT's Physics Department, NASA, Dr Michio Kaku, Stephen Hawking, and some guys from Area 51 are coming over next week for brunch.  I have a sneaking suspicion, its not a social call.

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