Ah, the art of seduction. The topic has been examined by Ovid, Shakespeare, Masters and Johnson, Barry White, and far greater and more sensitive minds than mine. But all of the pontificators of romance, have overlooked the Siren song of the Professional Air Line Pilot. No one is more adept at the art of seduction.... that's why so many of them are on their third or fourth wives! Here's how to seduce a woman like an Air Line Pilot.
Step One..... Go grocery shopping in your uniform (even if it's your day off). No woman can resist a man in uniform! Tie, blazer, epaulets... even your hat! Approach random women in the produce section and ask them if they like asparagus. Everyone knows asparagus is the sexiest vegetable EVER! Women will not be able to resist picturing themselves in the Halloween Store's "slutty stewardess" costume, cooking you asparagus with Hollandaise sauce as you wear your pilot uniform.
Step Two..... Get drunk. Oh yes! Women find the smell of Tequila oozing from your pores to be more powerful than the most potent of pheromones.
Step Three.... Rub her with your belly. Oooo baby! That fleshy overhang that succumbs to gravity over your waistband, is irresistible to woman. Plus its uber-sexy that, between her boobs, and your belly, you fit together like jigsaw puzzle pieces. It was meant to be!
Step Four..... Talk about airplanes. What could be more fascinating, alluring, or enticing, than the story about how you greased on your last landing? Tell it over and over and over and over again. Eventually she will have sex with you... if only to keep you from telling that story again.
Step Five..... Show her how much money you make. Let's face it; cash is an aphrodisiac. Leave out an ALPA union publication with your hourly rate of pay highlighted. Just don't tell her that 40% of that goes to your first wife and kids, and 30% goes to your second wife and those kids, and that you are currently living in your parents' basement and driving a moped to the airport.
Step Six...... Be a Superhero. Explain to the woman you desire, how you hold the lives of 250 people in the palm of your hands. Power is sexy. Emphasize how dangerous your job is. Make her believe you are a hero and a rock star!
Step Seven... Grovel. That has absolutely nothing to do with being a pilot, we just like to see you beg for it every once in a while!
So, light the candles. Put on a Marvin Gaye or Barry White CD. And get ready for romance... Pilot Style!
Step One..... Go grocery shopping in your uniform (even if it's your day off). No woman can resist a man in uniform! Tie, blazer, epaulets... even your hat! Approach random women in the produce section and ask them if they like asparagus. Everyone knows asparagus is the sexiest vegetable EVER! Women will not be able to resist picturing themselves in the Halloween Store's "slutty stewardess" costume, cooking you asparagus with Hollandaise sauce as you wear your pilot uniform.
Step Two..... Get drunk. Oh yes! Women find the smell of Tequila oozing from your pores to be more powerful than the most potent of pheromones.
Step Three.... Rub her with your belly. Oooo baby! That fleshy overhang that succumbs to gravity over your waistband, is irresistible to woman. Plus its uber-sexy that, between her boobs, and your belly, you fit together like jigsaw puzzle pieces. It was meant to be!
Step Four..... Talk about airplanes. What could be more fascinating, alluring, or enticing, than the story about how you greased on your last landing? Tell it over and over and over and over again. Eventually she will have sex with you... if only to keep you from telling that story again.
Step Five..... Show her how much money you make. Let's face it; cash is an aphrodisiac. Leave out an ALPA union publication with your hourly rate of pay highlighted. Just don't tell her that 40% of that goes to your first wife and kids, and 30% goes to your second wife and those kids, and that you are currently living in your parents' basement and driving a moped to the airport.
Step Six...... Be a Superhero. Explain to the woman you desire, how you hold the lives of 250 people in the palm of your hands. Power is sexy. Emphasize how dangerous your job is. Make her believe you are a hero and a rock star!
Step Seven... Grovel. That has absolutely nothing to do with being a pilot, we just like to see you beg for it every once in a while!
So, light the candles. Put on a Marvin Gaye or Barry White CD. And get ready for romance... Pilot Style!
My pilot is very happily doing number two right now!!
ReplyDeleteIf you are the kind of guy who is more likely to sit at home with a six pack on a Friday night, then your odds of seducing women are not all that good. After all, it's probably not too often that you have beautiful women just knocking on your door, right? Get out and find out where the attractive, single women in your area like to hang out and start meeting women.
ReplyDeleteIf you are the kind of guy who is more likely to sit at home with a six pack on a Friday night, then your odds of seducing women are not all that good. After all, it's probably not too often that you have beautiful women just knocking on your door, right? Get out and find out where the attractive, single women in your area like to hang out and start meeting women.
ReplyDeleteDear "how to" and "Flirt",
ReplyDeleteAre you actually a pilot? Everybody knows pilots are too busy watching the Military Channel, or talking about what great pilots they are to actually leave the house!
;) APW
This cracked me up.
ReplyDeleteDo pilots watch TV more than the average man? I think we need to do a scientific study on this...
wife of DAL pilot/TV addict