Monday, July 2, 2012


Just like PilotHusband's diet is dependent on the latest issue of Men's Health or Maxim magazine left behind in the crew room, his descisions about major issues, are dependent on the opinion of the last Captain, with whom, he flew.  Whether it be vehicles, investments, or vacation spots, if the Captain thinks its a good idea, PilotHusband is going to come home swearing "xyz" is the greatest thing ever because Captain Bob (or Jim or Dave or Steve) said so.

For example, we've always planned on putting in a swimming pool.  We done the research, figured out what type we want, and where we would place it in the yard.  The only thing we were waiting on was the cash with which to do it.  PilotHusband even flew with Captain Joe who said he put in a pool last year and loves it!  All was looking good for the pool installation.  AngryPilotWife could even picture herself, floating on a raft (with a cup-holder, for my white wine spritzer), reading "50 Shades of Gray".  But noooooooooo!

PilotHusband just flew with Captain John.  And Captain John does not like pools.  After listening to the 87 minute (yes, I timed it) synopsis of PilotHusband's 3 day trip, with excrutiating detail spent on how awesome his landing was, I was treated to Captain John's opinion of the backyard swimming pool.  After 20 minutes of "Well, John says it's too much work" and "John says its not worth the money" and "John says our insurance won't cover it" and "John says he'd never do it again"  I started to not like Captain John.  While I'm sure Captain John is a super guy,  he's messing with APW's opportunity to get her swim on! 

Ironically, while Captain John and PilotHusband were flying over North America, bitching about how over-rated swimming pools are, Captain John's PilotWife was probably laying beside Captain John's pool, watching the 20 year old pool boy clean the filter (after he ever so gently and thoughtfully applied sunscreen to those hard to reach places for her).  I bet Captain John's Wife thinks having a pool is a really freaking awesome idea!!!!  SO BACK OFF CAPTAIN JOHN !!!

(By the way, PilotHusband wouldn't swear by everything Captain John said, if Captain John wasn't a very cool, righteous fellow). Sooo.... ahem.  Sorry about that.  Please understand, its been over 100 degrees for several days now and my business requires me to be outside for much of the day.  I'm hot.  I'm sweaty. SO, DON'T SCREW WITH MY POOL PLANS, GUYS!!!!!! 

If you Captains really want to mess with PilotHusband, try this...
On the first leg of a trip, tell my PilotHusband that putting in a pool is a great idea.  On the second leg, tell him that after further consideration, you believe putting in a pool is a really bad idea.  On the third leg, tell him you were wrong- a pool is definately a great idea.  On the fourth leg, tell him putting is a pool is a nightmare.  Keep this up for the entire four day trip, or until PilotHusband's brain explodes.  Just make sure that on the last leg, as you are hi-fiving each other for being Gods of Aviation, you leave him with "You know, PilotHusband, putting in a swimming pool is the best thing I ever did".

*The names have been changed to protect the unintentionally guilty.

** By the way, to all of you Airline Pilot Central boys out there:  APW would really appreciate it if, on your next few trips, you would tell your First Officer that you think...
     Stone veneer would look great on a retaining wall.
     Dark gray paint would be perfect for porch floors.
     Age six is a perfect time for little boys to start Karate classes.
     Weekend long, girls only, trips to Vegas are perfectly acceptable.
     Vacations should NEVER include APW's in-laws.
     Household appliances do NOT make good Christmas gifts.
     and finally...
     Taking your own dirty uniforms to the Dry Cleaner will not kill you.
Thanks fellas!  I owe you one!

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