Sunday, March 11, 2012


For those of you new to the blog, please check out How to Drive Like a Pilot, posted Feb. 11, 2012 from the archive list to the right of the screen.  This is a continuation of that theme, because to include all of PilotHusband's driving idiosyncrasies at once would have been a novella, not a blog post!

And so... instructions on how to drive like my PilotHusband continue....

Step Seven... Lock your keys in your car.  Be sure that when you do, you don't realize it until you are standing next to your car in the employee parking lot at 11:00 p.m.  Call your Wife to bring you your spare key.  Do this monthly, always after taking the last flight of the night home.

Step Eight... After the third or fourth time, your Wife will put a spare key in a little magnetized box hidden under your bumper.  Lock your keys in the car again.  Call your Wife, claiming you can't find the little box with the spare key.  Insist it must have fallen off at some point.  Make her bring you another spare key.  Look surprised when she reaches under your bumper and pulls out the box with the spare key in it.

Step Nine.... When monsoon-like rain is predicted, back your car out of the garage for "a free car wash".  Park in a manner that does not give access to the unused garage for your Wife's vehicle.  Act surprised when she comes home from driving your son to school, looking like a drowned rat.  The next day, take your car to Auto Bell and have it professionally detailed.

Step Ten..... Whenever your Wife buys a can of Fix-a-Flat, or any such tire repair/inflation device, take it and keep it in your car.  When you get a flat tire, call the auto club to come change it for you.

Step Eleven.. If when leaving for work early in the morning, you discover your car has a flat tire, switch vehicles with your Wife.  Do not tell her you have done so.  Instead, let her discover it on her own.  Act surprised when she gets upset.

Step Twelve.. When your Wife discovers her vehicle has a flat tire, do not call the auto club.  Do not change it for her.  Your Wife is a strong independent woman who can handle any challenge.  Instead watch her change her own tire from your office window as you read Airline Pilot Central.  When she is done, pat her on the butt and say "Good job, Honey".  Then run.

Step Thirteen.. When leaving on a four day trip, keep as many important things as possible in your car.  Just because you drove your son to soccer practice this week, doesn't mean you are responsible for removing his gear from the car.  In fact, leave for the airport with both checkbooks, your son's cleats, Wife's cell phone, Wife's wallet, and your son's backpack.  It will make your family all the more happy to see you when you get home.

There!  I think we've covered everything.  If a need arises for Part Three, you'll be the first to know!
Happy Motoring!

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