Monday, February 6, 2012


Step One... Remember, aviation is the most fascinating topic on the planet.  Whatever anyone is talking about, find a way to steer the conversation back to the topic of airplanes... specifically YOU flying them.  Everyone around you will be riveted by stories of your exploits.  Really.

Step Two... Always use aviation lingo. The more acronyms you can throw into a conversation, the better; especially when talking to "normal" people.  Tell them about the ASAP report you had to file after ATC deviated you from the DME, or your V1 cut, or the PIREP you had to pull up.  Oh how enthralled they will be.  Instead of naming a city, use the three letter identifier.  Talk about that time you were in YYZ or EWR or MIA.  Your audience will be spellbound!  (Clueless, but spellbound).

Step Three... use Alpha Bravo Charlie whenever possible.  This is especially useful if you have small children in the home.  Instead of spelling things out in front of the child, use terms like "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?".  You know you've done a good job when your 5 year old comes home and says "Dad, I wanted to play with Jenny at recess, but Jacob Charlie Bravo-ed me". (give it a minute; get the joke, then resume reading).

Step Four... Airline stories never get old. Please re-tell all of the classics over and over and over and over gain. We never get tired of hearing them!  We have them memorized, but we never get tired of hearing them... again and again and again.

Step Five... when in doubt, bitch about Barrack Hussain Obama.  Everybody knows he is the source of all evil on the planet.  Discuss your feelings about Rush Limbaugh being too liberal.  Expouse any recent conspiracy theories you heard in the crew room.  Get TOTALLY sideways about Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi.  Everyone will find it mesmerizing!

Step Six... Quote classic guy movies.  Oh yes, those like minded folks will understand when you say "It's a big beautiful bridge, woof woof" (Kelly's Heroes) or "I've got nowhere else to go" (An Officer and a Gentleman).  It may seem like random code to the rest of us, but those in the know will get it!

So now that you know how to talk like an Air Line Pilot, please enjoy being the hit of every cocktail party. And pay no attention when your wife's eyes roll into the back of her head!


  1. This is amazing. You absolutely have to make one of those "Shit ___ Say" videos about pilots! You have so much good content. I searched youtube and it has yet to be done. For the pilot wives of the world, please do it!! :)

  2. "Jacob Charlie-Bravoed me".........that is hilarious!!!