Thursday, January 19, 2012


As previously stated, Pilot Husband is an evil genius.  He has figured out that if he screws something up badly enough, he will never be asked (or allowed) to do that particular task again.  There is a brilliance in "accidentally" dying all of your wife's white clothing PeptoBismal pink.  Not only was he never asked to help with the laundry again, but he was, in fact, banned from ever setting foot in the laundry room... which, due to the location, excused him from feeding the dog, and cleaning the cat's litter box.

I, the Angrypilotwife, was onto him and his evil plot to be excused from every and all household tasks  by screwing them up in the most spectacular fashion.  Eventually, leaving him nothing to do but lay on the couch and watch the Military Channel!  But I never saw this one coming...

For weeks, I gently reminded Pilot Husband that his car was way overdue for an oil change.  Finally, after my 437th reminder, my husband got off the sofa and agreed to "take care of it".  Pleased that Pilot Husband was going to address the issue, I left to have lunch with the girls, thinking Pilot Husband would be departing for Jiffy Lube shortly.  What I forgot, is that pilots, as a species, are cheap (please refer to the "80 pound log" post for validation).  Pilot Husband didn't want to pay $30 to have the oil changed.  Instead, he went to the auto parts store and bought oil and a filter... he was going to do it himself.

When I returned home, I found a trail of black oil, from Pilot Husband's car, up the driveway, along the walkway, up the stairs, onto the porch, and into the house.  Once inside, I followed oily, black footprints across the carpet, leading me to Pilot Husband (who was, once again, laying on the sofa watching the Military Channel). He looked at me with great pride, announcing that he had saved $30 by changing the oil himself.  Then he said, "Oh yeah, I wasn't sure how to dispose of the old stuff, so I left it in the kitchen until you came home".  Upon peering into the kitchen, I realized that when Pilot Husband was unable to find a bucket shallow enough to fit under the car, to drain the old oil, he opted to use my brand new wok, which was now sitting on my white kitchen counter, full of oil.  Needless to say, he is no longer responsible for vehicle maintenance.  Evil Genius!

A case of Motor Oil & Filter, $16.99.  Power-washing the driveway and porch, $50.00.  Carpet cleaning, $75.00.  New wok from Williams Sonoma, $80.00.  Never having your wife nag at you again about having the car serviced, PRICELESS.

1 comment:

  1. Oh for the love of Gawd...what guy doesn't know how to change his oil...

    I stopped changing mine myself because I didn't want to spend time away from the wife and kids tinkering with the car (and making a mess).