Tuesday, January 31, 2012


Step one... cover everything you eat with hot sauce.  It doesn't matter if it was prepared by Anthony Bourdain, Paula Dean, or Chef Boy-ar-dee.  And whatever you do; do not taste it first.  It doesn't matter how delicious it is.  It will always be better with hot sauce.  As you become more senior, you may consider traveling with a small bottle in your suitcase for culinary emergencies.

Step two... regardless of the length of the trip, pack only one necktie.  Be sure to spill a little bit of food from each meal on your tie.  This is a badge of honor.  It let's the other Pilots in the Crew Room know how long you have been on the road, and how hard you are working.  When they see three days worth of breakfast, lunch, and dinner, on your tie, they will yield the best Lazyboy chair in front of the television to you.

Step three... always carry chopsticks with you.  They are easy to pack and, well, let's face it: they will make you look cool.

Step four... if after eating Mexican food, you find it necessary to "release gas" in the cockpit, always wait for the Senior Flight Attendant to come up with coffee.  Then let it loose and blame it on her after she leaves.

Step five... when you are home, be sure to consume all of the food specifically intended for your children.  Be sure to eat the last chicken nugget, fruit roll-up, yogurt pop, and container of Jello.  Then let your family discover the missing food on their own, after your wife has already been to the market.  That's half the fun!

Step six... go Salmon fishing in Alaska every year with your Pilot Buddies and bring home a freezer full of fish.  then do not eat the Salmon.  Repeat this process every year until there is no longer room in the freezer for ice cubes and your wife has a Brain Aneurysm.

Step seven... while driving home from the airport, call your wife.  Regardless of what she is preparing for dinner that night, demand steak.

Bon Appetit!

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