Jan. 08, 2012
I recently got a call from NASA. They are sending a team to my home in rural North Carolina because the sofa in our family room is throwing the Earth off it's rotation. Seriously. Steven Hawking may show up at any time now.
You see, my pilot husband has been home since December 27, 2011. Between days off, reserve days with no trip assignment, vacation days, and more days off, he will be home for a total of 16 days before the first glimmer of hope for a trip (and getting the HELL out of my house). And evidently, the gravitational pull of our sofa is sooooo strong, he is unable to remove himself from it.
Like some Time Bandits-esque rip in the fabric of space-time, our sofa is able to increase the force of gravity, exponentially. Interestingly, the situation becomes even more dire when the Military Channel is on. I'm amazed he doesn't have to wear a g-suit.
Bless his heart. I'm sure he wants to go to the grocery store, rake leaves in the yard, play with our child, fetch the mail from the mailbox, carry his clean laundry upstairs, drive the child to and from school.... but the gravitational pull of the sofa is just too damn strong! (Go back, and say that last bit like James T. Kirk from the original Star Trek.... it's kinda' funny). And when that R. Lee Ermy starts singing his Siren song on the Military Channel... well, it's all over.
It's amazing that he can take a 450,000 pound 767 and get it aloft, but he can't get his ass off the sofa!
Hope you enjoyed this. Please check back regularly for more insights into life with an Air Line Pilot!